I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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