I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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