i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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