I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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