these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
