In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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