nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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