Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
