Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
