Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
