I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
