i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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