No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize