How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
