We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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