i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize