the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
