i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This girl is more easily done than said...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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