The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
