when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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