is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
