Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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