I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He literally asked permission to hit on me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
