I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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