I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize