update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
