Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
