Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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