when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
