he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just google imaged poop.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
