My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just google imaged poop.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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