what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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