I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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