Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
