I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
