No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
