I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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