tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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