She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
