The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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