You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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