I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
