she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
