I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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