She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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