Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
