I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
