i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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