My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
