So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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