he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
