I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
