Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
