I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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