I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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