Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
