I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
