ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
