have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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