you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
