You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
